Tuesday, May 5, 2009

single or "in a relationship"?

I am disgusted by the relatively new concept “relationship”. This is, apparently, a condition or state one chooses, and then defines the terms for, and then searches for someone who fulfills the terms… If the other person can’t be physically present as much as required (or whatever) one simply switches from “I love you” to “This just isn’t working out right now.”

I realize that in more sane times people married based on a criteria more often than they did based upon love, but it was a criteria of character and Faith, not of convenience. One had standards for one’s spouse. Even love didn’t over-ride those standards. One didn’t love someone whom one could not in good conscience marry. And one didn’t always expect to be “in love”.

But the new “relationship” thing has completely redefined love. Love used to mean an emotion that transcended time and space. You might be frantic to get back to your loved one, but it was because you missed them---because being with them was your whole earthly desire---not because you feared they might throw you over for someone who was “there”. Oh, the days before “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”

Love used to be taken seriously. To find someone worthy to love and actually fall in love with them was the stuff of fairy tales---but fairy tales are the truest stories. One would undergo any task, any hardship, because there was only one object of one’s affection. There was no question of “love the one you’re with” because no other face, no other heart, mind, or soul would do. There was one and only one true love and all others were repulsive by comparison.

I want that kind of love for all my children, and for all the children I love. I don’t mind if they “settle” for someone whom they admire and can be friends with, because I know that God and biology will take care of the rest when they marry. But when they say they are “in love”—I want them to mean REAL love, not some trendy “relationship” thing. Some of them will be blessed with a vocation, and Christ will be the Beloved. But for the others, I want REAL love---not a convenient companionship.

That’s what I pray for. For all the dear young ones I love, from baby to 40, I hold out that hope. Keep yourself chaste for the sake of your beloved. Do not choose to love one whom a natural sense of shame forbids you to marry.